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"What? I have a cold. Don’t get a look of terror on your face. The worst that could happen is that you’ll get a cold, too. You don’t have to theatrically Purell a thousand times a day and look all panicky every time I come into the room. Also, in the unlikely event that you do get sick, you do not have to give everyone a play-by-play, as though none of us has ever been sick before, or as though there were some suspense in the story of your cold, with twists and turns. (“I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, only to take a terrible turn for the worse after lunch!”) I know this story. You get better. It works out."

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?

"I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.”"

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

"I RECENTLY LEARNED that an “Irish exit” is when you leave a party without telling anyone (and presumably it is because you are too drunk to form words)."

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

"I’d rather look back at photos of myself and say: “Holy shit, why did I wear that fringed suede vest? I look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo,” than, “Oh superb, I always looked perfectly acceptable my whole life. Time to die now.”"

- Mindy Kaling

Just pre-ordered for my Kindle